倒数在五月天

坐在同一个向阳的窗口前，我倒数着五月天。
五月的最后一天，细雨绵绵。
我吸一口灰色的空气，苦涩紧紧的锁在胸前。

这个五月，风吹得太狂野，地球舞动得太猛烈。
他失去了生命，他遗失了家园，他痛苦的眼泪撒满尘世间。

曾经我许愿，世界和平。
但，就算没有枪林弹雨，生命也会消逝。
曾经我盼望，孩子们温饱。
但，就算没有饥饿，他们也会不幸。

有些灾难无法避免，有些遗憾无法改变。
地球的律动反反复复，谁能计算，谁能预见？

我只能束手无策的诚心祷告，
但愿受伤的心灵早日平复，
但愿毁灭的家园早日重建。

Down, down, down... these days do come

I thought that I was walking on snow, but I fell right to the bottom as I took my first step.

I thought that mountains are never too high, but now I realise some obstacles are beyond sky's limits.

I am a can of Coke without gas;
I am a coloured balloon running out of air;
I am a withering flower in the middle of summer.

Down, down, down... these days do come.

Contradiction

People who know me will be aware how I contradict myself a lot of times, how I am always having confusing thoughts and perpetually in a dilemma.

I analysed my life, my upbringing and education to determine what made me into a person like this. I finally concluded that it has to do with my parentage.

* MY FATHER *
+Entrepreneurial BUT
- Conservative (this is a nice way of saying "old-fashioned" which is what I really mean)

His entrepreneurial spirit caused him to be away from home for the longest time when I was growing up. His business ventures didn't extend very far beyond the region but was at the most remote places in the neighbouring countries. It was so remote that our family has never visited him at work, except for a trip to Brunei, which I could barely remember now.

Yet he wouldn't allow me to take any risk with my life. It was suffocating to grow up under strict "surveillance" and in the most traditional ways. Where did all the creativity and risk taking spirits go to? Imagine I was just told off recently for having a soft drink at dinner. Hmmm.....


* MY MOTHER *
- Risk adversed BUT
+Free-spirited

She is the pillar of strength in our family, and all those year she stood by her postion and never wavered. Without her dedication and sacrifices, I can never become the person I am today.

She never took big risks in her life, and the same applied as she was showing me the ways to grow up. Her advices to me have been trial and tested; never mind times have changed, the basic logics are always valid. Life can never be so wrong if you follow the rules of thumb.

As risk adversed as a person like my mum, I thought I would get a big lecture when I told her I went up to Taipei 101 on the day when Sichuan had the earthquake. Funny... all she asked was, "how is the view up there?"

And I haven't mention that she told me the roller coaster in Genting wasn't thrilling enough.... after she completed her ride.

As a result, I am who I am. You can see all my parents' contradicting traits in me. My "contradictions" surround my life, even my lunch... Healthy + Not so healthy.

Coke... my spring of life!

Looking at a piece of my past through Gallery

I open my letter box everyday, what I consider far from being my favourite routine. Yet I am always hoping for surprises, that could emerge from the thick stack of bills and unwanted pamphlets.

There are two things I am delighted to receive: the bi-annual progress report from my sponsored child in Sri Lanka and the Gallery.

Gallery, a publication from the "Public Water Closet" company which I am thrilled to read. As I flipped through the pages of this colourful magazine, filled with photographs of some whom I still remember, but mostly of faces of strangers, I am reminded of my "old life"... 7 years of joy, 7 years of pain, 7 years of fulfilment, 7 hectic years.


I am always having mixed feelings when I reflect on those years I have spent with the firm. It is true that I miss the fun and glamour contained in those pages, miss the company of my great friends and colleagues, but I know how I would have to suffer, for all those "fun and glamour" that I miss. Though I have never regretted any minute of these 7 years, and I might even chose the same route if time were to be reversed, it is impossible however to imagine that I would return to embrace all of it now. I guess they are already way pass my limits.

An ex-colleague asked me recently, "How is life out there?". I say it is great. But I have left out the details on how great life can be, when I take a step back and realise how beautiful this world is, when I watch a sunrise and know that it will be another lovely day, when I lie in bed each night, my mind making way only for the sweetest dreams.

So what do I mean by all these? I am truly grateful for my life today, grateful for having friends like you, grateful for being able to travel (Siberia, Tibet, soon London!)... and nothing of these would have been possible without those years that have passed.

Of my past, I savor; Of the present, I cherish; Of my future, I anticipate.

Louise, here is your rainbow

RED is for courage.

May you find courage to stand by what you believe and never give up on your dreams.

May you be brave to battle the odds in life and to overcome all obstacles ahead.



ORANGE is for vitality.

May you have vitality to do everything you love, be it sports, travel or work.

May you retain energy to live life to the fullest and never feel weary.




YELLOW is for happiness.

That's the most important of all... I pray for you to have a rose garden and blessed with many blissful moments in life.

GREEN is for well-being.

May you enjoy good health and be free from sickness and diseases.

This, I wish the same for your family, friends and colleagues.

BLUE is for peace.

For peace of mind, peace in your heart and world peace.


INDIGO is for intuition.

May your intuitions guide you to always make the right decisions.

May you have good sense of directions and never lost your way.


VIOLET is the colour of purpose.

Some spent their whole life searching for a purpose but only in vain.

May you find your purpose and unfold the true meaning of life.




I hope you'll like the rainbow, and not that pot of gold at the end.

Happy Birthday to You!